Wednesday, July 11, 2012

I have nothing

So...Long time no blog. Imagine that. Its my theme you either hear from me when im happy or sad and i muddle through the middle parts staying silent until i explode.
No exploding. Not right this second anyways.

 Whats new.. Hmm... Lets think... Things are new, Ok fine i have a boyfriend and he is probably going to be the only who reads this post. Well him and that one random person from Germany that reads my blog. Seriously Germany?!?! new.. Nothing really i hate my boss she hates me. Oh wait i did have a total melt down about mid june. That was fun, and slightly entertaining and frightening if you were around to watch it go down.
 I was angry my anti depressants weren't working in fact they were doing the opposite of what they should have been doing which made me that much more bat shit crazy. Good times.

 Ayden is good still causing trouble everywhere he goes. This kid knows exactly how to push my buttons and how far to push me because i don't want to yell and ive been really good not to but in my default of not yelling i just give in and give him what he wants before i freak the fuck out. Yes i am in fact a horrible parent i hope you all feel better about yourselves knowing this. That being said hes pretty much the best child ever i love him more than life and id probably curl up in a ball and give up if it were not for him.

 I filed bankruptcy finally. I go sign the papers this week. Relief and agonizing dread for the next six years. Yes six. It was only supposed to be three, ali lost hours and work and pay and god damnit WHY?! so we extended the time. I have to keep reminding myself why im here, what ive been through and where im going next and it doesnt seem as bad. For at least a few minutes.

 Well your welcome. You might see me soon. Might not. -Amanda

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