Sunday, November 8, 2009

Better Late than never

There are so many things i wish i could say but feel like i can't. I can however tell you that I am getting a divorce. This is probably the saddest and hardest time of my short life. This is not a path i would wish upon anyone i keep thinking its just my luck, sometimes i really believe that. But i know beyond knowing that i would work on it i would go to the ends of the earth to fix this but its not something i can fix.

I can't make someone love me. I cant force him to want to work on it either to give it an actual chance. I do love him i will always love him and knowing that he doesn't love me the same way hurts. I'm in a a lot of pain, a lot of sadness. People keep telling me you are so strong you will get through this your smart it will be OK. I know one day it will be ok i know that. ONE DAY its going to be awhile. Truth is I'm not that strong or brave or smart. I always had David to rely on for moral support. now I'm going to be a single mother trying to support me and my child and i don't want to be the mom working 3 jobs to do that. Selfish and stupid of me but i want to be be able to spend time with my son.

I have to go back to school and i have a real chance right now, the same day all this happened is the same day i lost my job. Good news is i received unemployment for how long I'm not to sure at least another 4 and a half months. after that I'm not sure what ill do... I'm not sure what i want to do.

For those of you that read this I'm sorry for not updating often and I'm sorry my tone has changed i was being upbeat and happy and some days i may have that in me and others i might not. So please bare with me.