I wish i may, I wish i might.

Do the things i long to in life, Getting a family was part of that goal. We all see how that went down the shitter for me. I hope the rest of you have better luck, I really do have my days these last few haven't been good for me i need to get out of the house and see the people i have been meaning to see!

Ayden needs a play date and I'm fairly certain will go over to his babysitters sometime this week even though this week is half way over.

I need a job desperately and one that pays half decent I'm not sure where i will find such a thing. I'm honestly really thinking of doing daycare during the day out of the house and then going to school at night.. why not I'm only almost 2 months behind on my house payment not that they will do anything for another month or so. hopefully. I have never done this so i don't know and it might not even be two months only a month and a half lol. Anyways i guess the point is i only have a few weeks left on unemployment and i pray if nothing else the goverment extends it or i find something great either one would work great for me.

I could use a break...i could use some good in my life and i know i wont get it unless i go out and get it. Well thats all.

I am not generally a mean person.

With the exception of a few who would disagree with that statement. I honestly do believe I'm not mean judgemental or Ignorant by any means. But people piss me off. That said i again will refer to my favorite quote one day ill probably get it tattooed somewhere i kid but maybe not.

"The only thing more expensive then Education is Ignorance." Benjamin Franklin

Smartest man ever, who knows what his wife would say but in terms of not knowing him and knowing about him i stand by my smartest man ever statement.

Anyways i was on face book. The bain of my existence, and a boy i call him a boy because that's how i now see him anyways this boy i went to high school with decides to post something stupid about his first new teacher in college is a transgendered person. everyone picks on his spelling errors and ignores his ignorance. he deletes the post and posts about everyone attaching his spelling and ignoring the problem. what problem? what action would you have us take? i referred him to my favorite quote and asked him if he wanted everyone to attack someone for being themselves why didn't he have the nerve to come out and just say that. Morons.

My mother gave me a very great compliment a month or so ago. I told her i had been asked out and she asked if he was moron and i said no i don't think i could deal with that. And she told me i think your far to liberal and open minded to ever get along with someone like that. she said I'm not being mean i think its a very good thing and i wish i could be more like that. a very contrast compliment to one i received earlier that i was closed minded. I believe i am the very opposite of close minded. I hope to raise my son with the same open minded values to never judge anyone based upon any personal preference.

So im done ranting. have a wonderful evening.

The Holidays

So my holidays were not in general particularly painful. But they were different and i can say i miss my old life. The one i wanted anyways.

Its time to move on i know this you know this my dog definitely knows this since she gets all my excess loving i seem to have in abundance these days. It wont be easy, it never is. My life is one extreme to the next one high to the next low but ill make it. Because I'm bigger then this and no not my ass but ill give you that one and agree with you to boot.

Somehow...sometime the pain will stop and maybe ill be able to look at another man and honestly think maybe him? because i cant right now, I'm not even slightly ready for that i have been with one person and i never wanted to be with anyone else that's a hard habit to break.