Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Remind Me

I have been reminded lately of that breath taking fear you have within the first few days of that devastating break up the sheer panic not being able to sleep eat breath. The what the fuck am i going to do now? And having no answers and it not a good time to make decisions because you are in no shape to do so. Don't worry nothing major has happened to me. But it doesn't make it any easier watching friends go through it. Not being able to say the right things or have the right answers for them. Everyone kept telling me it will get better and i wanted to scream at them hit them and scream again because i saw no way that it would ever get better. But it did. It took time yes. A lot of crying. Yes. More heart break. Yes. BUT it did get better its still getting better. I'm finally in place in my life where i want to meet people i want to date but the fear of this ever happening again scares the holy hell out of me because i survived it once i don't have it in me to survive again. At least i don't think so. I am kind of avoiding life right now which i know i shouldn't be because it can have bad effects for not only me but other people in my live. I need to call the lawyer this week i should have don't it last week. But i didn't but i will im just scared this is the last big hurdle i need to over come and im just as afraid now as i ever was before. Anyways If you need me im here and if not then you are welcome to keep reading! -Amanda

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