A Not so perfect mom

Scared.

More like thoroughly terrified at the prospect that im in fact in love again. For the second time in my life. And im beyond scared there is actually no words that describe the actual feeling im having.

I don't feel like running. That almost scares me more because i should be freaking out more right? have that  flight feeling that i usually get over everything.. but im not. Its not happening and i keep racking my brain trying to find it.

Im not crazy, no matter how many people i tell that to. Im really not and i know that. Or at least i keep trying to convince myself of it. IM NOT! ok im really not. But im fucking exhausted from life and the emotional roller coaster and i cant say i wont live through it because i will i know i can i just don't want to. If it happens on its own fine but to let someone in that has the potential to completely break me. Again. Is huge and scary and i over think EVERYTHING.

Im going with it. Ill see where it leads and i honestly hope for the best and expect nothing.

Two in one night.. ill be back in a lets say a month? Unless i explode then will see you sooner!

-Amanda