I cried last night and Ive cried a couple times over the last couple months..But i hadn't cried for a reason like this in years and years I swore i never would..not again anyways.
Then i fell in love like so stupidly in love it would make you sick and i know Ive said no matter what its worth it and i was right it is but in that moment you have a fleeting thought to run because the pain is already sinking in and running just seems easier. Its not though we all know that its one hundred times worse especially when you realize what you've ran from and you cant get it back. Ive promised myself I'm not running and i wont so i calmed down i started breathing again which in turn let me think clearly again and i lived and apologized and realized how very very in love i really am and how utterly screwed that makes me. Laugh because that's supposed to be funny. Yeah yeah i know its not this might be though. I also realized how utterly happy i am to be that screwed. Now laugh.
I never thought i was worthy of this kind of love like i had done something so terrible in this life (or my last? like beating baby seals for boots) that it just wasn't an option. But it is and I'm not letting it go...not without one hell of a fight.
I hope you all had a good long weekend.