Realization

Realization that i am now totally alone has set in. Sure i have my family, not that i could stand them much anyways. They are not exactly understanding in issues that i am going through. Or ever for that matter. My mom has never been a mom and my grandma who has been is always so far away and more closed minded then i would care to admit because i love her so much it hurts to realize that her only answer is to go to church and pray.

I only had one person for SO many years that understood this and she was my husband, she was the only constant in my life that didn't judge and didn't give crappy advice. I don't have her anymore and that really sucks. She has her own issues and saying she instead of he has been a real challenge one that i don't quit understand.

Realising its just me now, me and ayden scares me beyond belief i no longer have anyone to go home and say this is whats wrong and im freaking out and have them say it will be ok and mean it because no matter what they intend to be there. I know she didn't love me for years but that support with or without love was still nice because i still loved her. I guess its the alone part that is bugging me.

Alone.

No job, no schooling and one little boy who depends on me for everything and i feel like i have been failing him. I have friends only one who truly knows and the rest are in the dark they say they want to help that they will listen but they honestly dont care. They have there own lives and i dont blame them for that i know what its like. they shouldnt have to be my support. I will have to learn to be my own. Alone.

Goodnight.