Monday, January 7, 2013

I don't know.

I feel like I need to write probably for my own sanity possibly my families as well I can feel myself slipping. Everything seems to be hitting at once and as prepared as I thought I was for it.. I haven’t been through anything like this in my life. He knows or he at least acknowledges he knows that everything I am taking on is really a lot for anyone to take on not that ali isn’t my form of baggage. But spending thousands of dollars and fighting in a custody battle is a bit different then dealing with an ali. It’s overwhelming and heart breaking at times and sometimes I just don’t know what to say or do and I have had the thought to run before but that was awhile back and I can’t imagine ever doing that…I hope the thought never crosses my mind again in all honesty.

I worry what this whole process might do to the kids we have at home what it might take from them. But I also wonder if we don’t do it what Damien will think when he gets older because I would never want him to say well my dad didn’t fight for me he was too involved with his current family to care because that’s not true. Bottom line is that this is going to be long and drawn out and painful for everyone involved and im hoping to spare the kids most of that. I know we are doing the right thing just I wish some days I didn’t have to think about it but it’s always there…in the background glaring at us.

I am happy so very happy and I know how amazing my life really is right now how bright the future really looks I just get weighed down sometimes…if you have read my blog you know that is a reality.. a hard habit to break…

Anyways ill post soonish
-Amanda

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