Friday, November 23, 2012

Not for you.

Have you ever had one of those days where you feel like kicking a puppy off a cliff? a really cute fluffy adorable one? Yeah thats today... it didnt start off that way but it seems to be ending that way.

I feel like i am in a tunnel of trying to live down my past and someone else's while silently crying. Its probably just a bad day, or something. Im happy i really am but i just feel like i can do anything right i cant be sad i cant be angry i cant go inside my head and try to figure out how to process things when ive been doing it that way for years its been my coping mechanism without being accused of being unhappy. I feel like im fighting a losing battle some days.. and today my strategy at dealing with these things is to cry. I dont like doing it im not necessarily proud of it but im not sure what else to do.

So the happy of this week?! thanksgiving was wonderful with my new in laws, Ayden turned 6 and we had a wonderful day i kept the kids home and we hung out and did projects and i cleaned. I only had to work two days which makes me happy because i just wanted to spend the time with my family which is going..kinda split time between other parents and work for michael kinda eats into that but i understand its just how things are and im not resentful of it. Its just an adjustment for me.

Im going to go now i just needed to vent.

-Amanda

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