Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Tomorrow

Long time no post.

I’m usually notorious for this so…you should be used to it. That being said Im sick…. Again Sinus infection. Poor mikala has Strep again and needs her tonsils out and I haven’t seen in her in a day and its already killing me.

Ali moved in with us, Its temporary until she can get either a better paying job or a roommate or both six months that’s how long she has. I am worried about things I think I was more worried before it actually happened then now. I doubt she will be around much she works late and has her own life which I’m grateful for but I worry I’ll be sucked into it…it being taking care of her and I don’t want to I just have to keep reminding myself I don’t have to it’s not my responsibility which was way easier with her living far away from me or at least in another house.

My new job is pretty good I have mandatory overtime for the next two months only four to five hours a week so I should be able to handle that the extra money will be nice as well.

It’s been four months just a few days ago its honestly been the best four months I’ve had probably ever. That being said I’m stuck in my head again I feel unworthy and almost guilty I’ve not been the best person in my past I don’t have relationship experience outside of one failed marriage and explosion of a life and that makes me want to slink away tail tucked. Somewhere in my head I know better I know the shit I’ve put up with was preparing me in a way for this teaching me not to take it for granted the good.. not to focus on the bad because if I do it will end badly for everyone.

I wish I had the words to express how grateful I am how much my little family means to me. How much Michael does.. but words seem to fail when you try and put that down because no matter what I say no matter how I put it, it just doesn’t feel like it’s enough. Ayden has a dad that he loves a home that is secure because we make it that way routine and so much love and a sister. I have everything I have ever wanted or hoped for and then some and I’m lost as to what to say other than thank you!

I guess I better get back to work.

-Manda

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Hello

Its been awhile, Almost a month maybe? A lot has happened some wonderful things and some not so wonderful things.

I am beyond happy to report that i am engaged!! yes i know its gone fast... what can i say? nothing really I'm happier then i have ever been and i don't want to ever lose that.

I started my new job so far so good I'm done with training and actually go out on the floor on Tuesday so wish me luck there. Ali's dad sold her house and it looks like she will temporarily be moving in with us in our unfinished basement. I'm not sure how temporary it really will be and that scares me i don't want it messing with the life I'm building but then i feel guilty because i should be more willing to help her. We have a plan to talk about a deadline on the move out date though so that helps my anxiety.

The kids seem to be terrors as soon as we get them back from their other houses and it makes us anxious and a bit stressed i think. We just have rules and structure and expect certain things from them and at the other houses they don't. We picked out their Halloween costumes ayden is a Ninja and Mikala a Vampire i will post pictures from Halloween. I never really dress up and i want to this year because i did last and Michael usually does but i want us to be something that kind of matches. I just feel huge and like a cow and am afraid to fit into anything really. My insecurity is showing today.

Alright well ill try to post more soonish.

-Amanda