Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Tomorrow

Long time no post.

I’m usually notorious for this so…you should be used to it. That being said Im sick…. Again Sinus infection. Poor mikala has Strep again and needs her tonsils out and I haven’t seen in her in a day and its already killing me.

Ali moved in with us, Its temporary until she can get either a better paying job or a roommate or both six months that’s how long she has. I am worried about things I think I was more worried before it actually happened then now. I doubt she will be around much she works late and has her own life which I’m grateful for but I worry I’ll be sucked into it…it being taking care of her and I don’t want to I just have to keep reminding myself I don’t have to it’s not my responsibility which was way easier with her living far away from me or at least in another house.

My new job is pretty good I have mandatory overtime for the next two months only four to five hours a week so I should be able to handle that the extra money will be nice as well.

It’s been four months just a few days ago its honestly been the best four months I’ve had probably ever. That being said I’m stuck in my head again I feel unworthy and almost guilty I’ve not been the best person in my past I don’t have relationship experience outside of one failed marriage and explosion of a life and that makes me want to slink away tail tucked. Somewhere in my head I know better I know the shit I’ve put up with was preparing me in a way for this teaching me not to take it for granted the good.. not to focus on the bad because if I do it will end badly for everyone.

I wish I had the words to express how grateful I am how much my little family means to me. How much Michael does.. but words seem to fail when you try and put that down because no matter what I say no matter how I put it, it just doesn’t feel like it’s enough. Ayden has a dad that he loves a home that is secure because we make it that way routine and so much love and a sister. I have everything I have ever wanted or hoped for and then some and I’m lost as to what to say other than thank you!

I guess I better get back to work.

-Manda

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