Why i have an Ali Not a Daddy

You are five years old you throw temper tantrums that bring the world to a complete halt. When explaining things you love to use the word actually with a cute little accent on it. You are smart and special and so very loved.

When you asked me. No told me it was your fault that you don’t have a daddy that all ali had to do was cut her hair and be your daddy I couldn’t think of anything to do but cry. It’s not your fault it’s never your fault and you just don’t understand that. Ali held you and told you how loved you are and that this our lives none of it is in any way your fault i cried some more.

My choices, My life has brought this upon you. I want nothing more than for you to have a daddy i love you so much id give you the world. But there is nothing wrong with having a mom and an ali. People may not understand it like it or want to be around it but it’s ok. Other people have two daddy's and two mommy's no family is perfect. All i wanted for you my whole life was perfect. That’s all i ever wanted.

I love you sweet boy i love you SO much.

In the End.

I have recently encountered a blog that changed my perspective on the things i can share.. The things id really like to share and the things people will probably condemn me for sharing.

I wish i could go back in time and break down the days what they felt like for you after my life literally imploded and i couldn't breath, eat, sleep, think.

I feel stronger now i feel like a person i never knew i had in me took over. But in those days weeks months after i was a shell and some days i still am.

Life is a bitch and to find out after 9 years with someone they are not at all who you thought they were who you loved who you imagined spending the rest of your life with it sucks. Its hard and i was bitter and angry and a bitch. I cried for a life i had lost and stood stale mate facing what to do next where to go next how to breath again.

I know its not easy and the websites out there the people you can talk to about this "sensitive" topic generally turn to hate they use that to move forward to cut their children off from their other parent to hurt them as deeply as they have been hurt. And its not right. Its not right for you its not right for your child and its not right for the person at the other end finally being honest with you i cant imagine going through the things these individuals do just to be themselves if they had a choice i know they wouldn't choose this life.

Why make things that much harder on you and them and really the children you may have in the mix life is difficult enough you are the adult suck it up butter cup pick yourself up and realize the only thing you are doing is destroying you and your self worth and your child's future.

Leave god out of it.

-Manda

You are welcome for the rant..i think i might start blogging more.