God?

So I posted my devil child story On another site i frequent. The first comment i got was someone telling me not to call my child the devil. That in doing so i was bringing some harm to him. first off I'm not at all religious, and I'm leaning more and more toward the option that there is no god. But to say me referring to my troublesome child and the "Devil child" Is somehow hurting him and makes me a bad mother is ridiculous. Who says that? I called her weak minded and unintelligent because she believes in god low blow i know. Probably not one of my finer moments.

Devil child.

So we are at my mom's tonight, my child is throwing tantrum after tantrum and throwing litteral things at me and other people i put him in time out AGAIN and my mom is laughing... laughing at me and told me pay back is a bitch. Yes mother i know.

On my way home im driving husband is trying to calm the devil down in his car seat and when he is finally quit i have one had on the wheel on in my hair and i want to pull it out.

"He is driving me nuts." i exclaim probably to much drama in my tone my husband groans at me.
"you just let him get to you." he mutters

"no you dont understand i want to scream, pull my hair out and shit somewhere random." I said very very seriously i didnt think about it i just said it he is wide eyed at me.

"shit somewhere random?" he asks and it falls apart were both in tears from laughing so hard. demon child tells me be quit mom stop saying bad words! God bless my little devil child.

I have to add..

I just have to inform you, wearing two bras and a tight shirt, not my smartest move. If my boobs get any bigger Along with my ass, as i feed my face a donut I'm going to mc'splode all over my cubicle.

The joys of being a women. With real HUGE boobs, a not enough sleep hangover and a donut in her hand. mmm donut.

So i told my husband about the two bras.

"so i left the house with two bras on."

"epic."

Pretty sure i was stunned epic? I haven't heard that used in a LONG time.

"epic fail or win?"

"Both. Fail cause you didn't mean to and win cause you did it."

God bless my husband for making be laugh at myself. I'm Epic...

My Little man.

Don't they say some of the greatest joys in life are the little things? or some shit like that?

Its true, through all the crappy and lame ass statements people make about it the underlying messages are true.

Nothing makes your heart melt quit like your own child, grinning at you like a fool with cheese smashed all over his face eyes wide and telling you a story you half understand with such enthusiasm if you bottled it you could power the world.

Memorizing his little movements the way his eyes get big and when you ask him "really" his eyes get bigger if at all possible and he makes the goofiest face and nodes and says "yes mama reewly" love it. Nothing better in the world.

What did i do before i had him?

If any of you know please tell me because honestly i cant remember!

Hopeing for a life boat.

Since i cant quit explain everything that has gone wrong in my life, im not going to even try really. Im just going to say i need that life boat now the one that picks you up and takes you far far away. I understand everyone is hurting right now. i get that. I am too. But when will it be my turn? hello alittle help here?

Suger coating my life or problems is not something i feel comfortable doing online, its the one place i dont have too. On the other hand im sorry all i write about is the bad. Probably why no one reads it. Whatever suck it.

Self Destruction.

I am a big fat whiner i know, i generally am a BIG worrier. Its my nature who i am, I have no excuse for it and i probably shouldn't do it. But i do. Anyways we had extra money which we spent and spent a lot of it we did... i have nothing to show for it and now out of my stupidity by letting us spend this money were short this month by a lot and my car registration is due next month. My overtime was cut in January and pay scaled back i have no room for error and no where to make it up. i know I'm not alone and i also know its my own stupid fault that doesn't stop the panic attack i feel coming on. we were behind so long i guess when we got this money it was nice to have breathing room again and i just didn't calculate...I am a huge failure to myself and my family. and for the first time in my life i have been late on my car payment... twice... I'm not sure what to do how to make it right i have tried getting a second job to make up money... i have applied everywhere and no one has called back.... I know I'm bitching and no one will ever read this and i honestly KNOW i made a mistake i just don't know how I'm going to make it better this time... I'm lucky to have 20 left every month we used to have 5 to 6 hundred.

God what do i do?

Not Normal

Doesn't everyone want normal? But what is normal? Stupid question because everyone asks it stupidly common. Ugh life Has a way of kicking you in the balls when your down and foaming at the mouth, metaphorically speaking that is. I am so tired of being stressed and worried and heart broken and FAT and annoyed and tired and utterly indifferent that i could scream. Probably wouldn't help I'm like that fat kid in the back of the class that gets no attention and continue to feed my face. I know I'm stupid and not making any sense but like i give a shit. Everyone says oh I'm ready for change fuck change i want normal i want to get up and be happy and go to bed and be happy and somewhere in the middle feel loved...is that really so much to ask for? apparently.