Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Death


I wish I knew where to start or what to say. Other then I'm lost and feel so alone I have shut down and feel as only if I'm a shell of a person I used to know. 

I was pregnant I was 14 weeks and I had already been through so much with that little pregnancy that we finally thought things were good they told us she was gone. I've never been through anything like this. Michael keeps telling me to focus on what we have how great things are. But are they? We have debt and job not being secure and court for his son still and all I wanted was our baby one we shared. I know we can try again soon as soon as my body recovers and decides to give me a period again. But I'm terrified and broken and not me and I don't know how to be. I went back to work today I lasted two hours. I'm sick ontop of everything the worlds sick joke of poking at someone who has already lost so much. 

I'm stupid and faulted and I need to snap out of it and I don't know how. I don't know where to start it keep going.