Thursday, March 8, 2012

Weeks. Months. Years.

Last week was a swirling pile of despair lightly sprinkled with paranoia and hate. I'm not even exaggerating. My life seems to suck me in turn me upside down shake violently and then let me fall on my head.

That sick feeling you cant break the shock of something traumatic taking hold and not letting go. Its horrible unbearable and you cant think speak or function in an appropriate manner. I NEVER wanted to feel that again and i did last week. I think im still reeling from it a bit my mind hasn't fully regained function and im running on what little sanity i have left because i don't have an option for a break or a minute or to breath because that same life that kicks me when im down is the only one i have and i have a child to take care of.

Im not allowed weakness and when i am weak i feel nothing but shame and self hate for maybe not being available enough for that little guy that always needs me.

-Manda