Saturday, August 29, 2009

Late at night..

Child is asleep, mommy has had a few drinks and her brain is working overtime. Funny how that works you drink to unwind and you end up over thinking and getting emotional about everything.

I'm lame i understand that, I'm part mom part tyrant. I'm watching late night MTV i never watch this station i suppose it says something for my inebriated self.

Anyways i think i have a point my point is that were all fucked up and i would really like to hear from everyone and anyone who feels like not such a great mom talk to me let me know whats going on ill listen!

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

So sorry..

Is there even a place to start? i was doing so good then i up and dissapeared. Im a horrible person i know. get over it i have.

Anyways, lets see another person at work got fired i got put on overtime and training a new person for 4 weeks. also my IT guys at work have been blocking everything so i cant even get on here on my lunch. Asshole i know. i agree. Anyways so yesterday i was told this new person is learning my job he needs to be "an expert" at it and i quote only funny thing? He isn't learning the old girls job or anyone elses. hmm i feel a push coming so now i am in desperate search of a new job which right now we all know blows.

With no education besides high school and my thorough fuck up in not going before i had a child. i don't regret him i regret not going to school to provide better for him. I am not only trying to find a job but i am also trying to look at what i want to do when i grow up? i keep saying that and people keep laughing but its true. i have not a mother loving clue what i want to do. I'm lost and it sucks. anyways any suggestions would be appreciated not that anyone reads this. but there is your update on that.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Jealousy

Jealousy, Is a horrible horrible emotion. One that you always say no I would never be jealous of that. I have to be happy with who I am what I have done etc.

It’s really not true is it? Were jealous by nature that’s what we are. Always wanting what others have. Wishing you had waited a year to buy a house. Point being me. Wishing you had been smarter with you money. Went to school whatever it is you look at a friend a family member and say I want what they have.

Trying to convince yourself that everything you did was right for you isn’t always the easiest thing. Sometimes it hurts more then it helps sometimes you just need to own up to your mistakes. I don’t believe in the everything happens for a reason bull shit. Everything happens because you as a person make a conscious decision or another person makes a decision that affects you.

I’m being a self loathing monster today don’t mine me.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Before i got to bed.


I just have to say that the AD on my site keeps popping up for Trojan. Remember kids have safe sex! and if you look to your left you can pick out a brand that is right for YOU! Oh haha


Cupcake anyone? So i revamped my blog... Let me know what you think an while your at it have a cup cake. On me! Comments? Yeah i'm be coming a comment whore. Also you can fallow me on twitter not that i update often but its a cute link?

Dear Diary?

Haha just kidding, Anyways i have a short story for you. You may smile you may shake your head or you may say why does this bitch blog?

Probably the latter.

Anyways I'm driving my son to his ever lovely ever perfect babysitters (yes Megan i plugged you feel special?) Back to the story I'm driving down a road that is known to be only 25 that generally doesn't stop people from riding your ass even when your doing 30. I got my first ticket ever on this road. Anyways there is a sad looking women pulled over cop behind her lights flashing and i look over and he is typing on his laptop filling out the ticket and eating a donut. I about died i wanted to point and laugh and decided that was probably not my best plan ever but it was hilarious i don't think i have EVER seen that before as my husband put it. It was Epic. He also reminded me that i should have taken a picture?

I'm driving both hands on the wheel like I'm going to take out my phone and take a picture or even pull over and be like officer can you please smile with that donut for me say cheese!

I also happened to make the comment of when she gets her ticket and its sticky from the donutness what she would do? haha think about it. Its funny now laugh!

Monday, August 10, 2009

One more time...

So there is this women at work, she is addicted to prescription pain medication among other things. They have drug tested her but of course cant do anything because she can explain all her pills away.

Anyways we have had cut backs like everyone else me and this women split another girls job that was let go. First of all this girl had a good amount of time to fuck around after she got done for the day. so needless to say its not a full time job. I do a huge amount of the work plus the rest of my normal job and she does her half of the job all day. she has pawned off her other duties on the rest of her department and we have all made this very blatant to her sup and so has she. Her sup's suggestion? do i need to hire someone for that job? NO make stupid do her job!

We have ALL covered for this moron covered her ass when shit is wrong because she is so strung out she cant concentrate for half a second. she purposely went in and found something i had missed and brought it up to my supervisor. mine... im fucking livid im not covering for her dumb ass anymore. i cant believe people like this.

If i did half of what she did i would have been fired long ago but some how she keeps skating by because she has been long time friends with her supervisor. gr... i hate people.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Im proud?

Im pretty sure those two words have never been said to me. Unless. "I'm proud you created such a cute baby." oh thanks mom. Thanks for telling me how pathetic of a job i do at parenting and telling everyone I'm such a great mom. I feel SO special. Thanks family's for saying congrats I'm so PROUD of you David and Amanda for buying your first house at 21...No that's saved for the other cousins and grand kids in the family that bought houses after us. You know why none of you ever come over? really because we don't want you here because nothing we do is good enough! EVER its NEVER good enough for YOU any of you. So fuck you and fuck me too. I'm done.

Oh by the way father in law that will never read this... i have never heard you say once in the 8 years i have loved and been with you and your family say i love you to your son or im proud. He cant remember you saying either of those things either. sad. Your the reason i tell my SON every day im proud of him for the littlest things and i love you ever chance i get and i will NEVER stop.

Friday, August 7, 2009

Be happy?

I suppose you choose your mood. If thats the case i choose a pretty shity one most of the time. Id like to blame others i really dont have anyone to blame but myself.

Not sure if its totally up to me though, i believe our moods are partically determind by those that are around us. If you choose crappy people to be around i suppose thats why your attitude would be crappy. Im really not sure what my excuse is. I think in general im not the nicest person you will meet. Im shy and reserved, for the most part. I dont go out of my way to talk about you badly. I just kind of have a sense of humor you have to get used to, your not sure if im serious or not and half the time im not sure either. hmm...

Lame dont judge.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

The Ignorance of others.

Now, Let me start by saying i am by no means in fallible i make mistakes quote things wrong say the wrong shit or miss read on occasion.

The people i have run across over the last year and a half from before the new president was elected are i swear a new kind of stupid. I do mean stupid. The saying of a good lot of Democrats is that The republicans pray on the ignorant and uneducated. i have from personal experience witnessed this. I firmly believe it. There is no honest way around it.

Their lack of knowledge and ability to decipher whats real from fake online is SO astounding i want to cry. They would throw this back in my face though tell me I'm the ignorant one or that i think I'm superior? why i don't have a college degree. i just research things i take the time to read both sides before jumping on one or the other I'm willing to stand up and say as Democrats that was a fucked up policy. in the same instance they are not. They will throw God, abortion and any little piddly trivial thing out there. I'm not saying abortion by any means is but right NOW right here in our economy i don't know about you but the last thing on my mind is abortion laws. Fuck have one don't have one i don't care but please someone help us back on track because were on a slippery slop down and i haven't seen a sign of slowing.

Blaming the president for the pasts mistakes doesn't help. Clinton did some shity things. SO did bush i believe bush's out weighted Clinton's but that's my own person trial just like Clinton's out weight Bush senors and so on...

To blame our deficit on Obama is ridiculous are you blind were you in a shelter for the last 8 years? did you honestly think bush did a good job? astoundingly most of these freaks say yes. i just don't understand maybe its because I'm on the other side... maybe you will say I'm ignorant i just don't get it.

Venting.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

God?

So I posted my devil child story On another site i frequent. The first comment i got was someone telling me not to call my child the devil. That in doing so i was bringing some harm to him. first off I'm not at all religious, and I'm leaning more and more toward the option that there is no god. But to say me referring to my troublesome child and the "Devil child" Is somehow hurting him and makes me a bad mother is ridiculous. Who says that? I called her weak minded and unintelligent because she believes in god low blow i know. Probably not one of my finer moments.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Devil child.

So we are at my mom's tonight, my child is throwing tantrum after tantrum and throwing litteral things at me and other people i put him in time out AGAIN and my mom is laughing... laughing at me and told me pay back is a bitch. Yes mother i know.

On my way home im driving husband is trying to calm the devil down in his car seat and when he is finally quit i have one had on the wheel on in my hair and i want to pull it out.

"He is driving me nuts." i exclaim probably to much drama in my tone my husband groans at me.
"you just let him get to you." he mutters

"no you dont understand i want to scream, pull my hair out and shit somewhere random." I said very very seriously i didnt think about it i just said it he is wide eyed at me.

"shit somewhere random?" he asks and it falls apart were both in tears from laughing so hard. demon child tells me be quit mom stop saying bad words! God bless my little devil child.

I have to add..

I just have to inform you, wearing two bras and a tight shirt, not my smartest move. If my boobs get any bigger Along with my ass, as i feed my face a donut I'm going to mc'splode all over my cubicle.

The joys of being a women. With real HUGE boobs, a not enough sleep hangover and a donut in her hand. mmm donut.

So i told my husband about the two bras.

"so i left the house with two bras on."

"epic."

Pretty sure i was stunned epic? I haven't heard that used in a LONG time.

"epic fail or win?"

"Both. Fail cause you didn't mean to and win cause you did it."

God bless my husband for making be laugh at myself. I'm Epic...

My Little man.

Don't they say some of the greatest joys in life are the little things? or some shit like that?

Its true, through all the crappy and lame ass statements people make about it the underlying messages are true.

Nothing makes your heart melt quit like your own child, grinning at you like a fool with cheese smashed all over his face eyes wide and telling you a story you half understand with such enthusiasm if you bottled it you could power the world.

Memorizing his little movements the way his eyes get big and when you ask him "really" his eyes get bigger if at all possible and he makes the goofiest face and nodes and says "yes mama reewly" love it. Nothing better in the world.

What did i do before i had him?

If any of you know please tell me because honestly i cant remember!