Thursday, June 18, 2009

Self Destruction.

I am a big fat whiner i know, i generally am a BIG worrier. Its my nature who i am, I have no excuse for it and i probably shouldn't do it. But i do. Anyways we had extra money which we spent and spent a lot of it we did... i have nothing to show for it and now out of my stupidity by letting us spend this money were short this month by a lot and my car registration is due next month. My overtime was cut in January and pay scaled back i have no room for error and no where to make it up. i know I'm not alone and i also know its my own stupid fault that doesn't stop the panic attack i feel coming on. we were behind so long i guess when we got this money it was nice to have breathing room again and i just didn't calculate...I am a huge failure to myself and my family. and for the first time in my life i have been late on my car payment... twice... I'm not sure what to do how to make it right i have tried getting a second job to make up money... i have applied everywhere and no one has called back.... I know I'm bitching and no one will ever read this and i honestly KNOW i made a mistake i just don't know how I'm going to make it better this time... I'm lucky to have 20 left every month we used to have 5 to 6 hundred.

God what do i do?